Page 697: Things Fall Apart

I mean...geez. You know on the one hand the pace of these books is infuriating, because it feels like nothing ever happens. The book is like snow; it never really feels like a lot, but it accumulates by a multitude, and pretty soon you find yourself buried, in the cold, trying to outrun the avalanche. I've never read a book before where everything was happening while no one was doing anything. Why is it that nothing to make me happy can ever happen? Even the good things that happen always end with a twist to where I'm not even sure if they were good, I'm just confused. The plot is like a hydra: ever plot thread that dies spawns two offspring.

Anyway, Tyrion: I think Tyrion has a vested interest in keeping the peace, and I think he genuinely wants peace but doesn't want the throne for himself, though he's learning hard lessons about the fickle nature of popular opnion. But I think his personal interest in being the King's Hand is twofold: 1. Much as a reader might like him for his complexity, he's a Lannister, and he likes being in the center of power with minions to order about and plots to unravel and create. 2. I think his hope for his own success, and his desire for the hearts and minds of the people is less about stability than it is about using the people's love as a surrogate for his father's, which he never got. Sadly, I think the people are even less forthcoming with it than his father. His reaction to finding out how the people hated him (after all he had done for them), his constant moves to dampen Joffrey's cruelty and his own mercy to Sansa and others, it's not just for stability, he wants adoration. It's why Shae makes him so nervous, because he wants to genuinely believe that she really loves him, but due to both self-protection and a lack of self-esteem, refuses to believe that she could love him (and frankly, I fear that she's a gold digger, so maybe he's right). It was foolish of him to run ahead and visit Shae without first visiting Chataya's. A foolish impatience that is somewhat unlike him, but perhaps unsurprising given the riot. The scene where she balks at working in the kitchens is most of what leads me to believe she's really just a gold digger. I like that Tyrion has a soft side to him, but it's sad to see all the emotionally sympathetic characters so plainly taken advantage of. Varys' story is freaky, and perfectly timed. The introduction of magic into the story is moving along briskly...and it's very unsettling. Also, why thus far has it all involved genitalia of some sort?

Davos: Why Davos, we almost forgot you existed. It's almost as if your character only existed as a camera for Stannis' actions, and that your reactions exist only to point out how crazy Stannis is becoming under Melisandre's influence. Sad too, because lord knows this book could use more wise voices of reason, and yours is wasted with Stannis except as a literary device. So much promise wasted. Ho hum.

So the Stannis storyline. You know when the Emmy Committee gets together to decide the award for most effed up plot turn, it'll take them about as long as it takes to pop the top of their Pepsi cans to vote for Stannis, shove the damn award into his hand and run screaming from his sight. Melisandre of course will win best supporting actor. I don't yet know what to do with all this. Does Stannis even know what Melisandre is doing? He certainly seems ill at ease about Renly's death, and he knows that Melisandre is going to execute Ser Cortnay, but perhaps he protested a little too much to Davos about being asleep when Renly died. Part of me wonder if the Shadow Stannis is somehow controlled by Stannis in his dreams, and is Melisandre's manifestations of his dreams. Neat how the walls have special spells about them. I'm with Davos though on Melisandre's shadow prophesies. Thus far, they've all either been circular self-fulfilling prophesies or contrivances. "I have to murder Ser Cortnay because in my dream I was murdering Ser Cortnay." But really, the big nugget of the whole thing was Melisandre giving birth in the boat to the Shadow Stannis. I'm not even going to guess what that was, I'm just going to put the book down, and slowly walk away, and be sure that there's enough light in my room to wash away any shadows. I'm not even sure I want that one explained.

One interesting note about Stannis. Stannis reiterated again the difference in ruling style between himself and Renly. Renly was much beloved, and would would have commanded the respect of the people because of their affection. Stannis says he would command their respect out of fear. These philosophies of rule are reflected in Joffrey, who would rather Sansa fear than love him, and Tyrion, who spends most of his time trying to make the people love rather than despise the crown. It seems like for every person who we would have as a king, we have a governing philosophy very clearly delineated for them.

Bran: Oh, it's on Theon. It's on like donkey kong. I still want to have some faith in Osha, despite her running to Theon's side. I want to believe that she'll help spirit Bran out of Winterfell in the dark of night, preferably with Summer at their side. If that hope fails, then all I have left is the hope that I'll see Theon's head on a pike before all is said and done. I knew that craven little punk would slink into the castle to attack boys and women while they slept. Is that how you'll win renown? I'm disgusted.

Arya: Okay I'll be completely honest here. I'm not 100% sure what just happened at Harrenhal. Did Roose Bolton cut a deal with the Bloody Mummers to sneak his 100 men into the castle to take it from within? If so, then Jaqen and Arya weren't part of the plan, but rather a coincidence, but the way they were received made it seem like the prisoners were waiting for something to happen. Was Jaqen only hanging around to repay his debt to Arya? And seriously, what the hell is he? He reminds me of the face dancers from Dune. There's something other worldly to him. He seems to have a sixth sense like Syrio had, or like Jojen tries to help Bran unlock. Also, why does Arya keep making friends with strange Braavosi with odd yet helpful abilities? Syrio taught her to fight and then died (or did he?) to help her escape, and now Jaqen helps to overthrow a whole castle and repay a debt to her, then inexplicably invites her across the sea to learn mystic arts? Seems like whenever someone with power gets near a Stark, his spidey senses go off. I'm not surprised that Arya didn't reveal herself even if the Direwolf banner now flies over Harrenhal. Still too many unknowns. But I want to believe that this means she's closer to escaping and moving on.

Also, perhaps this is just because I'm reading it after seeing the movie, but am I the only one who pictures Gru from Despicable Me whenever I try to picture Tyrion? Lovable little dwarf who tries to be mean but deep down has a soft spot? Anyone? No? Fine.

Seriously, I can't even guess what comes next. I felt like I had a read on things a hundred pages ago, and now, who knows?